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An atom walks into a police station and says to the desk sergeant, “I’d like to fill out a report, one of my electrons has gone missing.” And the sergeant says, “Are you sure?” to which the atom replies, “Yes, I’m positive!” hahahahaha Get it? he’s positive? he lost an electron?

The most exciting phrase to hear in science, the one that heralds the most discoveries, is not "Eureka!" (I found it!) but "That's funny..." ~Isaac Asimov

The whole history of physics proves that a new discovery is quite likely lurking at the next decimal place. ~F.K. Richtmeyer

DNA was the first three-dimensional Xerox machine. ~Kenneth Boulding, "Energy and the Environment," Beasts, Ballads, and Bouldingisms, 1976

If it's green or wriggles, it's biology.
If it stinks, it's chemistry.
If it doesn't work, it's physics.
~Handy Guide to Science

It would be a poor thing to be an atom in a universe without physicists, and physicists are made of atoms. A physicist is an atom's way of knowing about atoms. ~George Wald

There is no light. The Sun sucks dark. In fact it sucks dark so hard that the friction of the dark moving to the Sun causes the Sun to be very hot. The flow of dark towards the Sun interrupted by the Earth causes the side of the Earth away from the Sun to accumulate dark, thus causing Night. As the Earth rotates the dark caught on the night side can then be pulled off, this causing the absence of dark known as Day.
What we call light bulbs are truly dark suckers as well. That is why light bulbs are hot, just like the Sun. When a light bulb is full of dark and won't suck dark any more, it cools off. If you look in old light bulbs you can even seen the accumulation of dark.
Dark is also heavier than water. This can be seen in the oceans where the deeper you go the darker it gets." — The eric conspiracy.
  • "I'm astounded by people who want to 'know' the universe when it's hard enough to find your way around Chinatown." — .
  • "We are an impossibility in an impossible universe." — Ray Bradbury.
  • "I look forward to the invention of faster-than-light travel. What I'm not looking forward to is the long wait in the dark once I arrive at my destination." — Marc Beland.
  • "OK, so what's the speed of dark ?" — Stephen Wright.
  • "Black holes are where God divided by zero." — Stephen Wright.
"The only reason for time is so that everything doesn't happen at once." — Albert Einstein.
  • "The physicist's greatest tool is his wastebasket." — Albert Einstein
  • "I am somehow less interested in the weight and convolutions of Einstein's brain than in the near certainty that people of equal talent have lived and died in cotton fields and sweatshops." — Stephen Jay Gould.
In all science, error precedes the truth, and it is better it should go first than last. ~Hugh Walpole

My mother made me a scientist without ever intending to. Every other Jewish mother in Brooklyn would ask her child after school, “So? Did you learn anything today?” But not my mother. “Izzy,” she would say, “did you ask a good question today?” That difference – asking good questions – made me become a scientist. – Isidor Isaac Rabi

Scientific principles and laws do not lie on the surface of nature. They are hidden, and must be wrested from nature by an active and elaborate technique of inquiry. ~John Dewey, Reconstruction in Philosophy, 1920

To acquire knowledge, one must study; but to acquire wisdom, one must observe. – Marilyn vos Savant

The microwave oven is the consolation prize in our struggle to understand physics. ~Jason Love

I have had my results for a long time: but I do not yet know how I am to arrive at them. ~Karl Friedrich Gauss

Organic chemistry is the chemistry of carbon compounds. Biochemistry is the study of carbon compounds that crawl.
Mike Adams

If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the precipitate. ~Henry J. Tillman

Science is] a series of judgments, revised without ceasing.
Pierre Emile Duclaux (1840-1904) French biochemist, bacteriologist.

[Science is] the desire to know causes. William Hazlitt (1778-1830) English essayist.

[Science is] an imaginative adventure of the mind seeking truth in a world of mystery. Sir Cyril Herman Hinshelwood (1897-1967) English chemist. Nobel prize 1956.

[Science is] a great game. It is inspiring and refreshing. The playing field is the universe itself. Isidor Isaac Rabi (1898-1988) U. S. physicist. Nobel prize 1944.

[Science is] not belief, but the will to find out. Anon
In essence, science is a perpetual search for an intelligent and integrated comprehension of the world we live in. Cornelius Bernardus Van Neil (1897- ) U. S. microbiologist.

Science can only ascertain what is, but not what should be, and outside of its domain value judgments of all kinds remain necessary. Albert Einstein (1879-1955) U. S. physicist, born in Germany.[Those] who have an excessive faith in their theories or in their ideas are not only poorly disposed to make discoveries, but they also make very poor observations. Claude Bernard (1813-78) French physiologist, 1865.

One curious result of this inertia, which deserves to rank among the fundamental 'laws' of nature, is that when a discovery has finally won tardy recognition it is usually found to have been anticipated, often with cogent reasons and in great detail. Ferdinand Canning Scott Schiller (1864-1937) English philosopher in the U. S.

In Science the credit goes to the man who convinces the world, not to the man to whom the idea first occurred. Sir William Osler (1849-1919) Canadian physician.

The hypotheses we accept ought to explain phenomena which we have observed. But they ought to do more than this: our hypotheses ought to foretell phenomena which have not yet been observed. William Whewell (1794-1866) English mathematician, philosopher.
It is a popular delusion that the scientific enquirer is under an obligation not to go beyond generalisation of observed facts...but anyone who is practically acquainted with scientific work is aware that those who refuse to go beyond the facts, rarely get as far. Thomas Henry Huxley (1825-95) English biologist.

We see only what we know. Johann Wolfgang von Goethe (1749-1832) German poet, dramatist.
Science increases our power in proportion as it lowers our pride. Claude Bernard (1813-78) French physiologist.
We know very little, and yet it is astonishing that we know so much, and still more astonishing that so little knowledge can give us so much power. Bertrand Russell (1872-1970) English philosopher, mathematician.
I believe there is no philosophical high-road in science, with epistemological signposts. No, we are in a jungle and find our way by trial and error, building our road behind us as we proceed. Max Born (1882-1970) German Physicist. Nobel Prize, 1954.

... the scientist would maintain that knowledge in of itself is wholly good, and that there should be and are methods of dealing with misuses of knowledge by the ruffian or the bully other than by suppressing the knowledge. Percy Williams Bridgman (1882-1961) U. S. physicist, Nobel Prize, 1946.

Physics is very muddled again at the moment; it is much too hard for me anyway, and I wish I were a movie comedian or something like that and had never heard anything about physics! Wolfgang Pauli (1900-1958) Austrian Physicist in the US. (Nobel Prize, 1935). From a letter to R. Kronig, 25 May 1925.

I do not like it, and I am sorry I ever had anything to do with it. Erwin Schrödinger (1887-1961) Austrian physicist. Nobel Prize, 1933. Speaking of quantum mechanics.

Those who are not shocked when they first come across quantum mechanics cannot possibly have understood it. Niels Henrik David Bohr (1885-1962) Danish physicist.

If anybody says he can think about quantum problems without getting giddy, that only shows he has not understood the first thing about them. Niels Henrik David Bohr (1885-1962) Danish physicistAt 90 miles drove Eddie Shawn

The motor stopped, but Ed kept on. Anon

There was a young lady named Bright, Whose speed was far faster than light. She left one day In a relative way, And returned home the previous night! Anon

I am sitting here 93 million miles from the sun on a rounded rock which is spinning at the rate of 1000 miles an hour... and my head pointing down into space with nothing between me and infinity but something called gravity which I can't even understand, and which you can't even buy any place so as to have some stored away for a gravityless day... Russell Baker

Big whirls have little whirls, That feed on their velocity; And little whirls have lesser whirls, And so on to viscosity. Lewis Fry Richardson (1881- ) English physicist, psychologist. Summarizing his classic paper, The supply of Energy From and To Atmospheric Eddies (1920).

Laws of Thermodynamics:1. You cannot win. 2. You cannot break even. 3. You cannot stop playing the game. Anon